I was a lucky girl and I am a fortunate woman.
My dad is special. He's not perfect, but he's good. He's often inappropriately hilarious and he's smart and he gives a great big hug any time for any reason. He doesn't judge too much. I've never had to be anything particularly special for him to treat me like I was. He shows up when I need him. He always has. He gives quirky gifts on random days just because. So, I was lucky to grow up with him and I knew it, my friends knew it, my boyfriends knew it. If he went to the store he always brought home bubble gum or Starbursts. My dad would drive all of my friends home from the movies at midnight, no matter where they lived. If someone had trouble getting a ride I knew my dad would cover them and we'd listen to our pop-crap radio station the whole way, volume up high, acting like the fun foolish kids we were. He never complained, never showed that our squealing teenage girl voices might grate on a nerve. I never felt like he wanted me to be anything other than who I was. I never needed to "grow up" or "act right." He just accepted me, goofy and weird. I was raised to be loved and cared for, respected and valued. That's just true. I learned to be independent and self-reliant, but I also learned that good men could be trusted.
I was a lucky girl.
My husband is special too. Doug is the kind of man everyone wants to be around. He is instantly trusted and loved. He's just one of Those People. Charismatic, fun, up-for-anything, smart. He thinks differently. He's a guy who fixes things, cares for people. He's not afraid to show the world how much he loves our family. He's reliable and a hard worker, an idea man. A man who tries to keep his word. Not perfect, but he's good. He shows up when I need him. Now he's become a dad and it's an awesome thing. He's a dad who marvels at his daughter, his beautiful daughter. He delights in her. We've spent hours just sitting on the floor together watching her. He dresses her and changes her diapers. He eats messy food from slobbery hands just because it makes her laugh. He's learning sign language so he can teach her. He hasn't had to pick her up or drive her friends home. He's never brought her bubble gum (thank God!). But he will one day. I'm sure.
I am a fortunate woman. My daughter is a lucky girl.
Happy Father's Day!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
The Unmitigated JOY of being completely WRONG!
I'm usually right.
I'm an analyst, a thinker, an over-thinker. I see details others miss and patterns others ignore. I run through the possibilities, evaluate information, I'm a problem solver. It's not that I think I'm perfect or have all the answers, I'm just usually right.
On my second Mother's Day I'm going to tell you how wonderful it's been to be so absolutely, positively WRONG the past 14 months. So many of the things I thought I knew before Rowan -about myself and others, about taking care of a baby and a marriage- have been completely nutso when faced with the reality of being a mother. So here's a short list, because I suspect I will be writing this list from now on.
1. My pets are not the same as my child. Before Rowan I thought 'I love my little fur-babies so much there is nothing that can change that.' WRONG! ...well sorta wrong... My love for my pets hasn't changed, but there is a cute little curly-headed, blue-eyed baby living in my house who dances to my fart songs and points to her belly button. I love my pets, really love them, but it's a dim shadow of how I feel about my baby.
2. I am not a cool mom. Before Rowan I rolled my eyes viciously at all the Mommies (with a capital M), with their schedules and their organic fruits and Cheerio-crusted car seats. Yeah, well, I was an asshole. My kid made me a liar. She came equipped with her own schedule and if I don't follow it pretty closely there is a price to be paid. A price to be paid. I know how many times my child has tasted ice cream and cake and exactly how many gummi bears she's eaten throughout her short life. It's completely stupid. I am rolling my eyes at myself...but I'm still counting.
3. Babies are romance killers. Before Rowan I thought Doug and I were so close, so romantic, so in LOVE that we'd never succumb to the TV-watching blahs boring parents fall into. Forget it. My husband is the sweetest, kindest, most loving man I know, but the most romantic thing he can say these days is "here's the remote" or "I'll change that diaper." That being said, watching him become a father to this amazing child we made glues us together in a way we never had before. After 19 years of college and moving and beautiful trips and romantic evenings nothing compares to swaying together in a family dance at three in the morning praying she's actually, finally asleep.
4. I can do anything in 10 minutes. Before Rowan 10 minutes was nothing, barely enough time to select toothpaste at Target. Now, in 10 minutes I can straighten my entire house, make dinner, pack a suitcase, and change a diaper. If you give me 10 extra minutes of sleep in the morning I am happy the whole day. If I get up 10 minutes early I can brush my teeth and have a shower without an audience. Ten minutes can make all the difference.
5. Breastfeeding is sweet. Before Rowan I imagined I would hate breastfeeding. I mean my boobs are my secret weapon, not some kid's juice dispenser. WRONG! Nursing Rowan has occasionally been inconvenient and messy and painful, but mostly it's been the most beautiful part of my day. She snuggles in and pats my face. I stroke her sweet arms, the softest skin I've ever felt. I count her eyelashes while she stares into my eyes. I eat her delicious piggy toes and she giggles. It's been a privilege to care for her this way.
6. Tired. I was never really tired before. If you don't have kids you will not -can not- understand this. If you do, then you do. Enough said.
I know I'm forgetting a ton of things. I can't help it. I have to be in bed in 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure I can get 2 loads of laundry folded, bills paid, and dinner put together for tomorrow night. :-)
I'm an analyst, a thinker, an over-thinker. I see details others miss and patterns others ignore. I run through the possibilities, evaluate information, I'm a problem solver. It's not that I think I'm perfect or have all the answers, I'm just usually right.
On my second Mother's Day I'm going to tell you how wonderful it's been to be so absolutely, positively WRONG the past 14 months. So many of the things I thought I knew before Rowan -about myself and others, about taking care of a baby and a marriage- have been completely nutso when faced with the reality of being a mother. So here's a short list, because I suspect I will be writing this list from now on.
1. My pets are not the same as my child. Before Rowan I thought 'I love my little fur-babies so much there is nothing that can change that.' WRONG! ...well sorta wrong... My love for my pets hasn't changed, but there is a cute little curly-headed, blue-eyed baby living in my house who dances to my fart songs and points to her belly button. I love my pets, really love them, but it's a dim shadow of how I feel about my baby.
2. I am not a cool mom. Before Rowan I rolled my eyes viciously at all the Mommies (with a capital M), with their schedules and their organic fruits and Cheerio-crusted car seats. Yeah, well, I was an asshole. My kid made me a liar. She came equipped with her own schedule and if I don't follow it pretty closely there is a price to be paid. A price to be paid. I know how many times my child has tasted ice cream and cake and exactly how many gummi bears she's eaten throughout her short life. It's completely stupid. I am rolling my eyes at myself...but I'm still counting.
3. Babies are romance killers. Before Rowan I thought Doug and I were so close, so romantic, so in LOVE that we'd never succumb to the TV-watching blahs boring parents fall into. Forget it. My husband is the sweetest, kindest, most loving man I know, but the most romantic thing he can say these days is "here's the remote" or "I'll change that diaper." That being said, watching him become a father to this amazing child we made glues us together in a way we never had before. After 19 years of college and moving and beautiful trips and romantic evenings nothing compares to swaying together in a family dance at three in the morning praying she's actually, finally asleep.
4. I can do anything in 10 minutes. Before Rowan 10 minutes was nothing, barely enough time to select toothpaste at Target. Now, in 10 minutes I can straighten my entire house, make dinner, pack a suitcase, and change a diaper. If you give me 10 extra minutes of sleep in the morning I am happy the whole day. If I get up 10 minutes early I can brush my teeth and have a shower without an audience. Ten minutes can make all the difference.
5. Breastfeeding is sweet. Before Rowan I imagined I would hate breastfeeding. I mean my boobs are my secret weapon, not some kid's juice dispenser. WRONG! Nursing Rowan has occasionally been inconvenient and messy and painful, but mostly it's been the most beautiful part of my day. She snuggles in and pats my face. I stroke her sweet arms, the softest skin I've ever felt. I count her eyelashes while she stares into my eyes. I eat her delicious piggy toes and she giggles. It's been a privilege to care for her this way.
6. Tired. I was never really tired before. If you don't have kids you will not -can not- understand this. If you do, then you do. Enough said.
I know I'm forgetting a ton of things. I can't help it. I have to be in bed in 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure I can get 2 loads of laundry folded, bills paid, and dinner put together for tomorrow night. :-)
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