Coming to the End/Beginning

I never thought I'd be this good at being pregnant!  I prepared for cankles and pimples and back pain and bedrest, but -so far- I have few complaints. After the initial emotional and physical tidal waves of carrying and losing my twins, I feel pretty good.  Now that I'm officially in the home stretch (I'll be 34 weeks on Monday and my doctor thinks Baby C will make his/her appearance at 36-37 weeks), I'm feeling a little sad this part will soon be over.

This has been one of the happiest times in my life.  We aren't prepared enough (the nursery still looks like a defunct office and we don't have a pediatrician), but if this little one needed to come home tomorrow I know that Doug and I could handle whatever "he" may bring.

This pregnancy hasn't gone at all like I envisioned.   I hoped to get the work and planning done during the second trimester so everything could be organized, functional, and seamless.   But I quickly learned this isn't a party I can plan with a task list and some elbow grease.  My plans aren't important and that's been beautiful (and difficult sometimes) to accept.

Instead Doug and I have become parents together, watching the little blob on the ultrasound screen become an actual baby squirming around in my belly.  "He" has hair and chub rolls and a cute little chin (and maybe Doug's nose...poor kid!).  Doug and I lay in bed together on Saturday mornings, when we *should* be choosing a stroller or assembling a crib, and marvel at the little kicks we both feel ('There is a PERSON in there! This is REALLY happening!'). There's no paint on the nursery walls and my new office is a mess, but I know my husband's fears at becoming a father and he knows why I cry every time I leave a prenatal class.  I think we've taken care of the important stuff.

I think of myself as competent, independent, and strong, but now I see that I can allow myself to be taken care of.  I can delight in the questions and attentions of my friends and family, accept help when it's offered, listen politely to advice I'll never take, and let others love my sweet Baby C as I do.  This baby has already opened my life and melted my cynical heart, already changed me in some of the best ways.  

And I didn't get CANKLES!!   ...so far...